Let’s be honest. Most of us didn’t grow up with family dinner chats about pensions, the psychology of spending, or why Uncle Martin’s obsession with buying new golf clubs might be a symptom of deeper financial insecurity. (Just me?)
But as parents today, we’re in a powerful position. We can reshape the way our children see money – and maybe, along the way, give ourselves a bit of a mindset makeover too.
So, let’s start with a big, simple question:
What is the purpose of money?
Is it to buy stuff? Save for the future? Feel secure? Get that satisfying beep at the self-checkout?
The truth is, money is a tool. That’s it. It’s not a goal, a status symbol, or a personality trait – although our culture often treats it like one.
At its core, money exists to help us:
- Meet our basic needs
- Access opportunities
- Share, support, and enjoy life
- Create choices and flexibility
- Solve problems (within reason – money itself won’t fix a broken toaster or a six-year-old’s meltdown in Tesco)
But that’s not always what we pass on to our children, is it?
What We Actually Tell Our Kids (and Ourselves)
Let’s have a moment of honesty. Here are a few classic money messages kids often pick up:
- “We can’t afford that!” (even if it’s not strictly true)
- “Money doesn’t grow on trees!” (true, but a bit unhelpful)
- “I work hard so we can have nice things.” (fair enough – but that links money to worth)
- “I’m just rubbish with money.” (cue generational financial anxiety)
Unintentionally, it is so easy to pass on money stress, guilt, or even shame. Without realising we can easily teach our kids that money is something to fear, chase, or judge ourselves by. The good news is that as parents we can flip that script. And you don’t need a financial degree or a budget spreadsheet colour-coded like a rainbow.
What We Should Be Telling Our Children About Money
Here are five practical (and totally doable) ways to start shifting how your family see and think about money – starting now:
1. Teach Money as a Life Skill – Not a Taboo
Say this instead: “Money is something we learn to manage, just like brushing our teeth or tying our shoelaces.”
Keep money chat casual and consistent. Involve your kids when you’re meal planning, setting budgets for birthdays, or deciding on holiday savings. They don’t need every detail – just the idea that money is something we think about, plan for, and talk about openly.
2. Reframe the ‘We Can’t Afford It’ Moment
Say this instead: “That’s not in our plan right now – but let’s look at how we could save for it.”
This tiny shift teaches kids choice and control rather than limitation. It turns money from “a thing we don’t have” to “a tool we use with purpose.”
3. Link Money to Values, Not Just Stuff
Ask this: “Is this something we need, something we want, or something we can wait for?”
This simple question opens up brilliant conversations about priorities, delayed gratification (hello, emotional resilience), and even gratitude. It’s the start of financial emotional intelligence.
4. Use Real-Life Examples
Try this: When paying for a coffee, say: “This cost £3.50 – that’s roughly what we’d spend making lunch at home for a day.”
Suddenly, a regular purchase becomes a learning opportunity. It’s not about guilt-tripping them (or yourself) – it’s about perspective and teaching our children to understand the value of money.
5. Check Your Own Money Story
Children learn less from what we say, and more from what we do. So ask yourself:
- Do I avoid looking at my bank balance?
- Do I impulse-buy as a pick-me-up?
- Do I model saving, generosity, or mindful spending?
You’re allowed to have a complicated money story. Most of us do. I’ve personally found that the magic comes when we start rewriting it – out loud, with our kids watching.
Final Thoughts…
The purpose of money isn’t to impress, stress, or endlessly chase. It’s to help us live with intention.
If we want to raise confident, capable young people who know how to use money wisely, we have to start with how we talk about it at home. Not perfectly. Not with a full lesson plan. Just honestly, regularly, and with curiosity.
Because one day, your child will make their first payday decision – and it would be pretty amazing if the voice in their head wasn’t “buy now: panic later,” but “how can I use this money to build the life I want?”
And that starts with the conversations we’re having now – preferably with a cuppa in hand and zero shame on the table.